NEW JOB

Just started my new job last week, so I have less time to write. And I'm working twice as hard for the same salary. I guess it's normal these days.

SMALL BITES

Reading Jeffrey Eugenides is like eating too much baklava. It's so good that you want more and more and more, so you stuff your face with it, only to realise that it's best to take small bites. So I'm digesting Jeffrey in a small dose at the moment.

THE RIGHT DRESS

Brussels is full of beautiful dresses. There were brandnew summerdresses everywhere, on every streetcorner I saw some on display. It wasn't that I needed to buy one, I just enjoyed looking at the different fabrics, the colours and textures, the promise that my life would be better if only I'd be wearing the right dress. Just when I felt completely liberated of my past, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend, who didn't notice me at first. I called out his name, just to see his face when he'd see me, and ask him what on earth he was doing here. There were memories of one long hot summer, the vegetarian meals he once cooked for me, the pictures on his walls and letters he wrote when I was away, in search of myself. At the time it felt like his love for me was somehow a sign of weakness. "Margot," he said and smiled the way he always did. He mentioned facebook and asked if I was on it. And I said: "No, not yet, just google me."

TWENTY-FOUR

Leaving for Brussels this weekend. When I was twenty-four I desperately wanted to live in Brussels. I guess part of me will always remain twenty-four.

THE PSYCHOPATH TEST

Some time ago I read a book by Jon Ronson, called 'The Psychopath test, a journey through the madness industry.' I became interested in psychopathy after I diagnosed my ex-boyfriend as being one. ( He was arrested in California for assaulting his ex-girlfriend, apparently he dragged her through the living room by pulling her hair.) I was curious why a psychopath was able to inspire such tender feelings in me, even if this person was not able to feel anything at all (something to do with the amygdala hidden in our brain). The Bob Hare checklist teaches us that psychopaths often possess superfical charm, are manipulative and can be promiscuous. But don't worry, Jon Ronson writes, if you think you might be a psychopath, then you are not one.

FIRST TANGO

A few days ago I was supposed to have my first tango class. For no apparent reason I had signed up for tango classes at a place called Tango Passion. I hadn't felt passionate for a long time, and was hoping that this dance would do the trick. I arrived on time and left my coat and bag in the hallway. Tango Passion turned out to be located on the second floor of a dark, gloomy building, next to a bookstore which sells English books. A blond woman wearing extremely high heels quickly glanced at me and whispered: 'Hi'. There were about five or six creepy looking guys in the room, all of which where drinking herbal tea. I waited for about five minutes, then took my bag and coat and left. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading.

BLUE

Last weekend I met up with my Italian friend A., who visited Holland during the Easter Holidays. She brought me some chocolates from my favourite shop in Switzerland, called Laderach. We talked about various troubles in our lives and men who are somehow important to us. She told me that Gluten Guy recently had a baby with his ex-girlfriend, which felt a bit like a relief. And contrary to what I expected, spring was making me feel slightly blue.